Give Yourself the Gift of Self-compassion

Dec 22, 2025

3 min read

Teachers and school leaders spend so much time being in charge of people, being professional and competent, and being the organiser. They need time over the holidays to let go of that persona (smash the outer shell and relax). Time when they can go along for the ride, do what nourishes and recharges them, be selfish or better yet, be self-compassionate.

What is self-compassion? It's not just a recent fad or a new buzzword to replace self-care. There has been research on the topic for over ten years. Think about self-compassion as what your best friend would suggest or want for you if they were in your shoes right now. It's particularly framed around self-kindness, awareness of negative thoughts and feelings, and shared human experience and imperfections. Changing your self-talk and thinking like this offers a way to be inwardly supportive when we make a mistake, fall short or meet challenges (learn more from Kristin Neff here).

It's more than having a warm bath after a hard day at work (which is a great self-care strategy). We each need to figure out what self-compassion looks like for ourselves. What do I wish someone who loves me would say? For me, it would be forget the to-do list, you don't need to be productive every day. Maybe for you it would be the reminder that the holiday isn't ruined if something gets overcooked. Or, that a certain relative always says something judgy, but that doesn't make it true. Maybe your internal best friend gives you permission to have another bowl of ice cream.

It's not just you who benefits from taking care of yourself with compassion. Aside from your own improved mental health, motivation and resilience, it models for others healthy self-talk and care. It can also make you more gentle and patient with others. There is also some research discussed in Moe and Katz that self-compassion and a motivating teaching style may reduce burnout in teachers.

"Leaders who are consistently compassionate to others often struggle to extend even a fraction of that compassion to themselves. They hold themselves to standards they would never impose on anyone else."

So says Andrew Sherman. This point can apply to teachers, who are leaders in their classroom, as well as school administrators. Sherman also points out that extending compassion to yourself fosters a sense of safety within your team (or classroom). Leaders who practice self-compassion are less critical of themselves and, consequently, of others. This approach nurtures authenticity, warmth, and a strong relational presence, all of which are crucial for creating psychological safety.

This is a good reminder that sometimes I need to talk to myself as I would my team. With them, if something goes wrong or doesn't get done on time, I don't endlessly berate them (as I do to myself when I get into a ruminating mental loop). At those times, we work on short-term solutions, communicate the adjusted plan, then look at process improvement for the future.

Also, if self-compassion means thinking like a friend who loves you, then an act of self-care is listening to your actual friends' advice. If you're talking about a work incident and they respond with advice to find a better job or a workplace that values you, listen.

And instead of making a long to-do list for the holidays, I'm going to list people I want to catch up with. I'm going to limit the school talk to the first half hour, then that's off limits. I'm going to try to be present and find enjoyment rather than thinking about what else needs to be done before term starts again. Self-compassion for me at this time of year looks like rest. Plus, I'm going to do something fun and silly and unusual. Those make the best stories to tell my best friend when we get back together at the end of the holidays.

I hope you give yourself the gift of self-compassion these holidays. Reach out to book a mentoring session if you want to explore new career opportunites in 2026.